Have you ever sent an email that you poured your soul into or a whole lot of facts, anyway, only to wait forever for a response?
While you’re waiting, a process might begin to unfold…. your head is full of doubt and fear and worry. “Maybe I said something wrong? Maybe I was too blunt? Maybe I shouldn’t have sent it in the first place!”
It starts out with annoyance “why haven’t they written me back yet?” Then rises to anger ” what is wrong with them? I sent them a very clear answer!” Then takes a left turn to worry “what did I say? Will they never speak to me again?” and sometimes skids into fear ” I hope everything is ok”
We perceive. That’s what we do. If you ask 10 people at a crime scene what they observed, you often get ten different accounts with some similarities.
We often perceive the familiar, the expected, and the thing we fear. But it’s not about you.
Try this: decide on something you will focus on today. Maybe red cars or the sound of birds. It’s a focus thing, right? When you say you’ll pay attention to red cars, you will likely see red cars. This is especially true if you are in the market for one!
Now go on Facebook or Twitter and read some posts. Observe how you feel while you’re scrolling through the posts: Joy, pride, happiness, nostalgia, depression, jealousy, fear, anger, rage, etc. Social media isn’t really a good measure of life in the world and yet we react to it all the time. And we keep going back for more!!
When people post things, they have their reasons without knowing your reasons for reading it or reacting to it. It’s not about you.
Judgment is part of us, too. Judgment is something worth noticing, especially in children and young adults. They often perceive the world as a critical place that they have to conform to but they don’t know what conformity is or who has the rule book. And again, they don’t yet know that it’s not about them.
Everyone has their own reality, their own perception of life through their eyes. Without knowing every detail about what someone’s going through, we still tend to make it about us because, well, that’s what we know.
But it’s not about you. Well, probably not…..
Vanderslice Coaching 