Grief

My father passed away a few months ago. I had not been expecting it, although he was in his 90s, so I was preparing for it. No matter how well you think you are prepared, you’re never really ready, though.

He had a good life. Many of the things that mattered to him were realized: family, job, hobbies, music, travel. Of course he had regrets. If you look deep enough, you will find a few things you wish you had done. But he had been successful in many ways and I would go through the list with him whenever he got stuck in his regrets.

I am left remembering him now. Remembering the conversations we had, the laughter and funny pictures we took and the stories about music and his life as a boy and young man that seemed to make him most content. And of course there was the music that he loved that would spark a memory or a spontaneous chorus from a beloved song.

My heart feels empty from the loss of his presence, but full of the history we created together, especially in the last three years. I am grateful to have had the time with him.

But the grief is still there. Little things will remind me of him and my heart will hurt for a while. So I will sit with it and let it come, because on the other side of the grief is the joy of having him as my father. I am here partially because of him, after all!

Grief is part of life. If you love, you will have loss. But you get to decide whether to experience the joy and fulfillment of creating a life that is full of every emotion, state of being and lesson. And I hope everyone reading this will be willing to live life to the fullest, knowing that everything you allow in helps to create the person you are and the person you will continually become.

Thanks, dad. You were always a teacher and I am grateful to have learned from you.